in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
