I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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