so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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