I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
