I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
