Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
