My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
