billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
