dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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