I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
