nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
