no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
