We're like a lot better than the average bears
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
