He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
