Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
