Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
