if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
