If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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