Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
