I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
