There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
