there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I touched a dick in church today
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
