just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
