So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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