Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
