Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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