i don't like sucking hair
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
