You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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