I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
