I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
