Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
