roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
