1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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