Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
if i died would you start the facebook group?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
