I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
