those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
