dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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