he thought i was a dude.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
