You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
