Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
