made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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