I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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