I wish I only lived at night.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
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Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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