When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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