One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
