i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
