no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
