I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
