At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
