Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
