I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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