i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
