How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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