i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
