Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
