She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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