one two three fourrrrnication!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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