I'm lost and stupid without you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
