I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
pray to the hookup gods
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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