That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
