How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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