so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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