Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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