Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
