I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
