he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
