i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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