once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
