I think im going to throw up on grandma
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize