I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Someone signed my nipple.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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