Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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