Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
