i permit you to call me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
