So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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